After reading some pretty good Sam/Frodo Fic that Cara recommended, I got curious about other pairings I might like. Suche as A/F, A/L or L/G. So I went on archive-diving, digging for said pairings.

I regret that I did that. There's an amazingly high account of bad!fiction in this fandom. It's not like other fandoms don't have bad stories, it's just... it looks like at least 3/4 of the stories in this fandoms are pure crap. And everytime you think it can't get worse, another story proves you wrong. Or maybe I'm just a bit too picky.

Anyway, here are some examples of what I've found:

First story was an A/L one, with Legolas raping Aragorn. Right after that a story had Legolas and Gimli raping Aragorn together to "teach him a lesson" or something like that. Being traumatized with that, I stopped searching that night.

Seriously, if you know me, you probably also know that I like a good rape!fic once in a while - when I'm in the mood for it. But not in the LOTR-universe. Not only is it something that just. Doesn't. Fit. No, I really, really, really can't see one member of the Fellowship raping another member. This is as Out-Of-Character as anything can get. Oh. Maybe I misunderstood the authors? Maybe the stories took place in some kind of mirror-universe? You know, where good is evil and evil is good? Please, if you really think you need to see Legolas raping Aragorn b/c it pushes some buttons for you, write it. Just. Don't. Post. It. On. The. Net. Thank you.

The next day I went on searching, only to discover that there's a bdsm section at the "Least Expected" archive. Yes, I do love bdsm stories. But in LOTR? Excuse me? Did I miss something? Well, I was curious... and found that most of the bdsm stuff is Frodo/Sam. I didn't dare to read any of the stories, as just the thought of LOTR!BDSM squicked me. This is as wrong as rape!fic in LOTR (see above).

When looking for a decent A/F story I found one that started with this sentence: "Frodo studied the point of his sword in the moonlight. To be a sword must be a futile existence, he thought. What kind of life could a sword have?" Not only do I have major problems with imagining Frodo thinking this, but this story took place after Rivendell (b/c Frodo already had sting) and before Lothlorien. And they had the Nazgul. Well, the Nazgul don't appear again until after Lothlorien. Canon. I don't care if a story is movie canon only. That's okay for me, if stated first - but please stay as close to canon as possible - or make it an AU if you aren't able to do that!

After reading that, I tried it again with some A/L. Well, I've found some A/L... and while skimming the story before reading, I found this: *Elvish curses rent the air. "Don't make me hurt you, Aragorn." - "Ah, but maybe that's what I want." Legolas strained to hear above the tide of blood in his ears. "I want you to shove that cock into me now, Legolas. Push it in, hard!" *

Nope. Just. NO!

So please, if you want to write good LOTR fanfic, make sure you do:

- KNOW the canon, may it be book or movie.

- at least TRY to get the character voices right. I know it's hard to do, but if Ican see that you were trying, I can enjoy it.

- if you aren't sure if you made the characters sound right, get a good beta. Someone who has read the books. Someone who doesn't prasie every sentence you write, but tells you if something sounds wrong.

- DON'T use words like "fuck", "cock", "penis", etc. in a LOTR story. Just don't. Ever.

If you want to write bad LOTR fanfic, feel free to do so. Just don't inflict it on the readers. I have only limited time on my hands, and that time is precious. I don't want to waste it reading bad!fic.

written by Franzi (02/20/02)